Target: The Eye
Ruby red oceans gently ripple as the shiny assailant withdraws.
My throat tightens like a water-pipe shutting off, my lungs suffer, dragging in heaving mouthfuls of air, and he lay softly, quietly on the ground, lost now on the endless plains of hell. I couldn't believe what I had just done, for I loved him, he loved me, but I hated him when he told me I looked good, I NEVER LOOK GOOD!
Down the endless chasm of sin, into the abyss of hell on Earth. I have killed him. The flat cake of now lifeless blood oozes listlessly between the grout filled cracks of the white-washed tiles.
Why did I do it?
I sob, staring into where his eyes once sat; I look at the gaping liquid scarlet filled holes that I made, now he will never see me and say I look good.
The knife drops beside him with a calamitous rattle, my head gravitates and impacts onto his sinewy chest. The hands, my hands, that once caressed, search up and down his body for a sign of life.
His face.
Stubble.
I touch.
He has left me.
I leave him.
I rise and escape.
A ghastly sight.
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22 months ago
First the...nitpicking...
"The flat cake of now lifeless blood oozes between the gout filled cracks of the white-washed tiles"
gout should be grout
"I sob, staring into where his eyes once sat, so instead I look at the gaping liquid scarlet filled holes that I made, now he will never see me and say I look good. "
Here the 'so instead' seems awkward and makes the sentence read as such. Perhaps lose it and say:
"I sob, staring into where his eyes once sat, gaping liquid scarlet filled holes that I made, now he will never see me and say I look good. "
Now, in general.
I really liked this piece and I liked the voice you used. A good example is here:
"Ruby red oceans gently ripples, the shiny assailant withdraws."
Perfect.
I like the obvious psychosis of the narrator as she struggles with low self image. Well done.